Sometimes God does something so magical, I couldn't possibly deny his involvement if I wanted to. I remember that awful night, a regular Thursday night in late July, when I sat crying in my bed after the kids were asleep. I was desperate and discouraged about the same old things, and tired of rehashing it all, tiring of my own frustration with life in this tiny, ever-shrinking house. I remember writing in my prayer journal the words "I surrender." There was nothing more I could do, so I just handed the whole thing over and went to bed. I couldn't suddenly make a dream house affordable, change my husband's stubborn mind, or make myself magically content, so I gave up. Nothing extremely spiritual, just me saying.. "You know how I feel Lord. I can't fix this. Here you go." I think mentally I had to resign my self-appointed job as the one who makes things happen around here. Try as I might, I couldn't make a darn thing happen. (Sounds like a lesson I'd learned a long time ago re fertility, but alas I'm prone to repeat courses.)
Anyway, I remember waking the next morning with a new sense of peace about things. Mid-morning the phone rang. It was my mother-in-law calling to tell me her neighbor's house was going up for sale. The price was insane and obviously not affordable, but I mentioned it to Don anyway. His attitude was surprising--okay, shocking, to me. "Let's think about it before we throw it out the window," was the general idea, so we sat down with a calculator and crunched numbers.. trying to see just how unaffordable we were talking about. Could we really pull this off? What I hadn't figured on was the extreme draw for him of being close to family and having two acres of land. Suddenly what seemed like unreasonable numbers were not so unreasonable at all. Scared and unsure, we called an emergency lunch meeting with his parents to talk it over. That night we met with the neighbors to express our interest in buying the house, and four days later, signed a contract. The rest as they say is history.
Did I mention this place is huge? Did I mention it has a jacuzzi, and a playroom? Surely I have died and gone to heaven. Now with our house sold, Don and I have moved past the phase of just staring at eachother like "Can you belive this is happening?" to accepting with gratitude the amazing adventure we are about to embark on together. We prayed for God give us wisdom, to direct our paths, and this is where he led us. We asked him to close the doors if it was not meant to be, and one after one we watched them open. As for me, I've finally moved past pinching myself to just taking it all in--just marveling in the awesome wonder of my God.
There have been four times in my life when I felt --really FELT God's love for me. Each time it was so palpaple and undeniable, it changed me forever. First there was the night of our first date, when God dropped an angel in my life, someone I instantly felt I had known forever and knew would make me whole. Then there was the day of Seth's birth, a miracle in itself. The day I found out I was carrying Daniel, another sweet surprise from God. And then there was that day in July of this year, when God said "See?" "See that I love you, and I'll provide for your needs, and more. See that you don't have to try so hard--you don't have the power anyway. See that all blessings flow from me, and I am generous to those who put their trust in me."
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