Not telling my story

Everyone tells their story.. especially people who have been through what i have. .. or even a fraction of what I have. Somehow i don't feel like it. True, it could probably help someone, encourage someone, etc.. but i put it off nonetheless. Most people close to me know it by heart anyway right? Still i feel like it should be out there, at least in abbreviated form.. no story of our family or picture of my life is complete without it. Nope, still don't feel like it. Such a giant can of worms to spill. Will i have the energy, time or skill once i start, to put them all perfectly back in place? Will it stretch my memory too much? Oh, Satan must have a field day with me.. "No worries.. she'll never to great things for God, she's too lazy, too selfish, too much of a perfectionist." Enter the tears.

Maybe its just that i don't think i can do it justice. After all, Maria's life and death can't be put in a blurb. The pain of enduring four years of infertility and miscarriages, the despair i felt, the long and winding road my Lord and I traveled together-- it just can't be illustrated, at least not by this momma. Then there's Seth. I'm sorry, but that little boy is way too much miracle for my meager words to describe. Just look at him and you have to know.

I guess the facts are the best i can do for now. I was lost and I am found. My daughter died for no explicable reason and I survived.. no, better than survived, I grew. I was barren and I now have a child. I have another child on the way. I almost died.. my son could have died, but he is alive and well. He was born 2 months early, all 3 pounds of him, yet never needed oxygen, never had a single "episode" of apnea or anything else so many preemies do. Preeclampsia shook our world, but we both came through unscathed. Seth came home three weeks later at a whopping 4 pounds. He is a giant now, 45 pounds and 41 inches at 2 1/2. He is the light of my life.. he is healthy, brilliant, and looks just like his daddy.. exactly as ordered. I have the opportunity to stay at home with him.. something I have always dreamed of and now has come true. I have the most wonderful husband I could ever imagine. God is good. What more can I say?

"Behold, He maketh the barren woman to keep house and be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord!!!"