Not telling my story

Everyone tells their story.. especially people who have been through what i have. .. or even a fraction of what I have. Somehow i don't feel like it. True, it could probably help someone, encourage someone, etc.. but i put it off nonetheless. Most people close to me know it by heart anyway right? Still i feel like it should be out there, at least in abbreviated form.. no story of our family or picture of my life is complete without it. Nope, still don't feel like it. Such a giant can of worms to spill. Will i have the energy, time or skill once i start, to put them all perfectly back in place? Will it stretch my memory too much? Oh, Satan must have a field day with me.. "No worries.. she'll never to great things for God, she's too lazy, too selfish, too much of a perfectionist." Enter the tears.

Maybe its just that i don't think i can do it justice. After all, Maria's life and death can't be put in a blurb. The pain of enduring four years of infertility and miscarriages, the despair i felt, the long and winding road my Lord and I traveled together-- it just can't be illustrated, at least not by this momma. Then there's Seth. I'm sorry, but that little boy is way too much miracle for my meager words to describe. Just look at him and you have to know.

I guess the facts are the best i can do for now. I was lost and I am found. My daughter died for no explicable reason and I survived.. no, better than survived, I grew. I was barren and I now have a child. I have another child on the way. I almost died.. my son could have died, but he is alive and well. He was born 2 months early, all 3 pounds of him, yet never needed oxygen, never had a single "episode" of apnea or anything else so many preemies do. Preeclampsia shook our world, but we both came through unscathed. Seth came home three weeks later at a whopping 4 pounds. He is a giant now, 45 pounds and 41 inches at 2 1/2. He is the light of my life.. he is healthy, brilliant, and looks just like his daddy.. exactly as ordered. I have the opportunity to stay at home with him.. something I have always dreamed of and now has come true. I have the most wonderful husband I could ever imagine. God is good. What more can I say?

"Behold, He maketh the barren woman to keep house and be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord!!!"

A Christmas to Remember

I can honestly say that all my Christmas wishes came true this year.. The Lord carried us safely through many travels and memorable visits with family and friends. Seth remained in reasonably good health and good spirits through it all. Best of all was the news we received on December 23 that literally put the sparkle in Christmas for us all.. yes, we are expecting! Thank you, Jesus. After all the trials and struggles of the past six years, I can't describe what a blessing this is.. what a kiss from God.. to conceive naturally after only six months of trying. (I use the word trying loosely, since my mind has been on a myriad of other things, especially during the holiday season.) We had resolved to leave the matter in God's capable hands (as though it were anywhere else?) and wait until February to go back to the fertility clinic. No fertility clinic needed here! Can I pinch myself now?

This will likely turn into my pregnancy diary before long, but I promise to keep updates on Seth coming too. We'll see a doctor today hopefully and have more news soon. The Lord has been so good and so faithful. In the words of Madeline.. "Hope is all you need for Christmas." Hope is indeed all you need.