Not telling my story

Everyone tells their story.. especially people who have been through what i have. .. or even a fraction of what I have. Somehow i don't feel like it. True, it could probably help someone, encourage someone, etc.. but i put it off nonetheless. Most people close to me know it by heart anyway right? Still i feel like it should be out there, at least in abbreviated form.. no story of our family or picture of my life is complete without it. Nope, still don't feel like it. Such a giant can of worms to spill. Will i have the energy, time or skill once i start, to put them all perfectly back in place? Will it stretch my memory too much? Oh, Satan must have a field day with me.. "No worries.. she'll never to great things for God, she's too lazy, too selfish, too much of a perfectionist." Enter the tears.

Maybe its just that i don't think i can do it justice. After all, Maria's life and death can't be put in a blurb. The pain of enduring four years of infertility and miscarriages, the despair i felt, the long and winding road my Lord and I traveled together-- it just can't be illustrated, at least not by this momma. Then there's Seth. I'm sorry, but that little boy is way too much miracle for my meager words to describe. Just look at him and you have to know.

I guess the facts are the best i can do for now. I was lost and I am found. My daughter died for no explicable reason and I survived.. no, better than survived, I grew. I was barren and I now have a child. I have another child on the way. I almost died.. my son could have died, but he is alive and well. He was born 2 months early, all 3 pounds of him, yet never needed oxygen, never had a single "episode" of apnea or anything else so many preemies do. Preeclampsia shook our world, but we both came through unscathed. Seth came home three weeks later at a whopping 4 pounds. He is a giant now, 45 pounds and 41 inches at 2 1/2. He is the light of my life.. he is healthy, brilliant, and looks just like his daddy.. exactly as ordered. I have the opportunity to stay at home with him.. something I have always dreamed of and now has come true. I have the most wonderful husband I could ever imagine. God is good. What more can I say?

"Behold, He maketh the barren woman to keep house and be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord!!!"

A Christmas to Remember

I can honestly say that all my Christmas wishes came true this year.. The Lord carried us safely through many travels and memorable visits with family and friends. Seth remained in reasonably good health and good spirits through it all. Best of all was the news we received on December 23 that literally put the sparkle in Christmas for us all.. yes, we are expecting! Thank you, Jesus. After all the trials and struggles of the past six years, I can't describe what a blessing this is.. what a kiss from God.. to conceive naturally after only six months of trying. (I use the word trying loosely, since my mind has been on a myriad of other things, especially during the holiday season.) We had resolved to leave the matter in God's capable hands (as though it were anywhere else?) and wait until February to go back to the fertility clinic. No fertility clinic needed here! Can I pinch myself now?

This will likely turn into my pregnancy diary before long, but I promise to keep updates on Seth coming too. We'll see a doctor today hopefully and have more news soon. The Lord has been so good and so faithful. In the words of Madeline.. "Hope is all you need for Christmas." Hope is indeed all you need.

What's with the title SAHM?

Whoever decided to call us "stay-at-home-moms" obviously was not one. I'm guessing it was some guy in an office who had no clue what it was really all about. I have to give credit here to my fellow SAHM and good friend Tiff, who brought this matter to my attention. While I do spend roughly three days a week at home, I have only one small child. Women with more than one child, especially school aged children, wonder what a luxury it would be if they could have just one day to STAY AT HOME! So I'm proposing a name change for us all. Why not something more fitting like..

PBBK, professional bo-bo kisser..
CCMEG, chauffer-chef-maid and errand girl
SEPS, self-employed pediatric specialist
DAHM, divinely appointed home maker
Guardian of Angels (or demons, take your pick)
MTA, molder of tomorrow's adults
or my personal favorite...
Domestic Engineer

.. just a thought.

More from the Mouths of Babes . . .

Just had to take a minute to post the latest Sethism before it escapes me. As background, Seth has taken a recent fascination with a book entitled God's Wisdom for Little Boys. As I was putting him to bed tonight he asked "Am I grow up to be a wise man?" What could I say but "Yes, you will, darling. . . I'm sure you will."

Its moments like those that you just can't plan -- priceless moments that come and go out of nowhere like a surprise kiss from God. They are the kind of moments born out of our newfound quantity time, the best kind of quality time there is.

Other samplings from the day:

"Um, Mommy.. I was wondering.. did you ever want a different baby? And Mommy said never ever ever ever ever." (Apparently recited from a book I once read to him, many moons ago, before he started talking, entitled "God Gave Us You".. guess that line made an impression?)

"Um, Mommy.. how 'bout you keep the light in the tent?" (said to mommy tonight, during a camp-out in the living room, after i momentarily shined the flashlight out of the tent, interrupting the book he was "reading.")

Now I know why they call them bundles of joy.

See yesterday's post below for more samplings of the comedy that is my life as Seth's mom.

Tide Wars - Courage in the Face of the Mundane

Just a thought that has been on my mind today.. I remember not too long ago, before I embarked on this grand adventure that is stay-at-home-momhood, wondering if I had what it takes.. Listening to those who said "Oh, you'll be bored" and knowing myself well enough to suspect that would not be my problem, yet still wondering if I had the courage it would take.. Could I do this thing? Get dressed every morning and plan activities for myself and my child of my own volition? Prepare meals for my family, shop for supplies, plan endless field trips and craft projects? To get to the point, I have learned that it is not those things at all that require great courage.. for those are the things that come so naturally, the things that made me want to be a SAHM to begin with. No, there are far larger hurdles than those, and countless more treacherous stretches of mire in which to become ensnared.

For example.. consider the following contrasts:

Filling my days with playdates, trips to the park, and various other adventures.. even with a cranky, screaming, 45 lb toddler.. easy as pie. Staying at home with that same toddler and tackling a mounting list of household chores, not so easy.

Painting the kitchen to a homier hue, knitting scarves for Christmas presents, inventing a nutritious pudding Seth will eat, organizing Don's sock drawer and designing a new window shade for Seth's room.. simple, fun even. Finishing one project before beginning another.. obviously a task requiring near impossible fortitude.

And of course, diligently surfing the internet at 1:00 A.M. for the amazingly low-cost product that will put the finishing touch on our home, flavor Don's coffee, make Seth smile, serve as the last item of clothing I'll ever need (this season), and/or answer the latest hairbrained question on my mind.. easy. All right its down right exhilerating. Turning off the computer and getting a good night's rest so I can have a fresh face for my work-weary hubby and bushy tailed toddler at 7:00 a.m... Hmm, let's just say I'm working on it. (Those of you with any cajun heritage will recognize this phenomenon as "making the Rugaru," a habit I've found is hard to break.)

So am I bored, you ask? Not a chance. I don't think that emotion exists in my repertoire, as it would seem to require running out of activities. Eventually, though, a mom has just got to make friends with the unglamorous -- the drab, necessary details of life, that will always be there-- if not to conquer, to make peace in the least, and maybe introduce them to joy. That, I've found, takes courage. So its toward that valiant horizon I charge - not because I'm feeling particularly courageous, but because I believe wholeheartedly that the One who gave me this job will also give me the ability to do it well. Do I have what it takes? You bet. I just thank God He's not through with me yet.

Out of the Mouths of Babes.. A sample of Master Seth's budding language skills

1. "Daddy not fussin you, baby" to mommy just after daddy fussed him.

2. "Hey, whas da matta wit Daddy?" to mommy after receiving no satisfactory response to number 1.

3. "Bye! Have a nice life!" to a stray dog who happened by our house.

4. "God's beauty is everywhere!" to Mommy on a walk through a wooded trail in no-where, Louisiana.

5. "Look, I make a snowman!" to mommy after a bath, while wrapping himself tightly in a bath towel.

6. "Listen, you hear dat? Dat's a bird! I fink its a macaw!" to mommy on backyard swing.

7. "Oh no, da harmonica was fell over da leg," to mommy about 30 seconds ago.. who knows?

To Leap, Perchance to Walk

It's official. I, Jennifer Maria Tabor Johnston, now have a presence on the web.. a "blog," as it were, of my very own. What I will do with it, now that is the question--the daunting one that probably kept this endeavor at bay for so long. But alas, if one would walk on water, she must first exit the boat, as they say. With great gifts come great responsibility, once said Spiderman.. or something to that effect. So here I go, one foot out and reaching for the man's hand...
We shall see where this road to illusive Blogland leads.



P.S. --If you're visiting this blog and this is the only post here.. be patient. See "My Complete Profile" for my latest work product.. its not easy to come up with a short, searchable list of interests!