I'm going to write about some things here today that may have less to do with motherhood and more to do with just being human. And maybe it's not particularly fitting for a "mom blog," but life does happen, even to moms, and life doesn't always fit in a neat little package. The point of writing is to share life's truth, even if it's a little uncomfortable, on the off chance that somebody out there is going through the same mess.
Looking back, it seems like having these kids was all I ever wanted to do. Frankly, I didn't think very far past the motherhood milestone. I vaguely remember going to school and majoring in psychology, wanting to work with children, but somewhere along the way I met my husband and my maternal drive kicked in. Forget school, I wanted babies, and lots of 'em. They would be my life and that would be all I needed. Well as it turned out my body wasn't so good at making babies or carrying them. So when I finally managed to have two and escape with my life, I closed up shop. Two is a good round number, I would just devote all my energy to meeting these little people's needs and THAT would be my life. But the years go by and little by little those babies get more independent and less needy for mama. Sure they need you around but they don't need you the way they did when they had poopy diapers and sippy cups. And one day the last baby goes off to kindergarten and you're sitting in an empty house trying to remember who the heck you are and what it was you even enjoy. I mean, I like coffee and chocolate and shopping the clearance rack at target but there's got to be more to me, right? Let me stop right here and point out that this phenomenon is NOT in any way, shape or form related to a phenomenon called boredom. There's plenty of housework/chores to be done, but there's also plenty of time to do them. And if you're not careful all this free time and emptiness will get you into trouble.
You see, the world is chocked full of opportunities to fill your hours, your mind and all your appetites, but 90% of it is no good for you. Oh it looks wholesome on the outside and it tastes great, but so did that apple in the garden of Eden. That kind of fruit doesn't satisfy for long, but just leaves you hungrier, and ultimately causes pain. And pain for you means pain to those around you, like ripples on a pond. Before you know it you've fallen in a pit with no clear exit, and it was so darned easy to fall you missed the entrance. I think sadly the hallmark of this decade may be that never before has it been so incredibly EASY to do so incredibly much harm.
The thing is, moms are not immune from pits. Even church-going, God-fearing, husband-loving SAHM moms. If anything, at-home moms are more vulnerable than anyone at this turning point in our lives. But that's not to say working moms are immune either. I've seen far too many marriages ripped apart in recent years because mommy met someone who made her feel alive, just as the youngest child went to kindergarten. It's no coincidence. We've got to help each other stop falling into this trap.
If your babies are still little and you don't know what I'm talking about, get ready. Chances are you will. I wish all the pits were clearly marked with danger signs, but they're not. Be aware of your own vulnerability and seek to protect yourself and your family at all costs. Surround yourself with supportive Christian friends who love both you AND your husband. Do something creative every day. Think about what you have to offer the world, and consider going back to school for that new career. Listen to your spirit-gut, not your greedy gut. If it feels wrong, run. And keep running. It's not worth it. Seek counseling if you need it, preferably before you need crisis counseling.
While you're at it, take time to get reacquainted with that man living
in your house.. you know the one you vowed to cherish above all things? Maybe the priorities got out of order for a while. That's natural. The squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say, and let's face it, kids are squeaky.
Let him know you're back, and be patient as he adjusts to your newfound availability to him.
If you're reading this and you already know all about pits, because you're sitting in the bottom of one now, or someone close to you is, I highly recommend the book by Beth Moore, aptly titled "Get Out of That Pit." It's never too late. Take it from me. There is life, bountiful life, after even the deepest of pits. No matter how many times you fell back in. There is healing for even the most wounded marriage. There's always, always hope. And HOPE, dear sisters, does not disappoint.
